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30th April 2021

Feeling a bit shit…

Dear diary… (because anyone who grew up in the 90s starts their journal entries like this…)

I hate to start the first entry into this diary with a bit of a low note, but I’m feeling a bit shit.  But also, quite inspired by this shit feeling – motivated, if you will. 

For the first time in a while, I’m word vomiting ideas for future lifestyle business plans all over my google doc notepad and I’m quite excited, albeit low key excited. 

I’m meant to be working on my day job today but I’ve done the bare minimum.  For someone who works bloody hard at everything she does, this isn’t usual behavior, but a crash has been looming for a little while now. The recurring pain in my neck has returned, two cold sores have popped up on my lip in their uncommon but usual spot, I have regular headaches and I’m a little lethargic.  

Change is required, I know it, I just need to make it happen. I need to stop carrying on regardless, listen to these actually painful hints that the good old Universe is giving me and put things back in motion. 

At the start of the pandemic I worked in events, it was high energy, long days and great fun – then events stopped and I had to take a ‘regular’ job. Don’t get me wrong I’m very fortunate to have said regular job, in a key service no less, and it’s easy but it doesn’t challenge me and it has all the makings of a long term career in this major global business – but that’s not what I want! 

I had these chances, I worked hard to step off that path and onto my own, this is just a little detour back on the path while I recuperate and figure out what I want to do. 

So here I am, writing it all down, maybe not every day, but often enough – what I want to do with my life.  I’m going to start speaking my truth, be less reserved, more honest.  

Too many times lately people have said ‘I’m so glad it’s not just me’ (usually after a complete over share on my part) and so I vow, to speak more openly and honestly about how I’m feeling, especially while in this limbo of duty, expectation and following my dreams. Hopefully it’ll come to something.  

I’ve also booked a physio appointment for Monday to sort this shoulder out!! 

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